yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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