On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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