I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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