I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
