I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
