Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
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I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That accounts for only three of the penises
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
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She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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