the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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