i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
