I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I am morally bankrupt
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
