mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My ass is underappreciated
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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