I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
