My underwear smells like fireworks.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
