I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
