Small penises have feelings too.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
