There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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