My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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