Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
