Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
