so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think your dad took our porno
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
