i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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