watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
