dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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