fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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