omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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