I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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