Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
