Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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