My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
