too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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