how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
