Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
