please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
