So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize