Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
