I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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