I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
