i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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