very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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