You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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