bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
