btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
