Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
