Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
