I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
