christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
