I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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