I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
