Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
