Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
handjob tips. give me some.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
