My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
