update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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