you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
