hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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