So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
