ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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