Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
