Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
