There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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