Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize