I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
