What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
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I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize