Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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